Single Women and Essential Boundaries
Yes, relationships are two-way streets. Yes, I understand that you want to be loved. But don’t you want to be loved by an honorable man and not a jackass? What the heck are you doing in a relationship that is giving you so much emotional stress? A relationship that depletes your energy and self worth? If you recognize you’re in a lawless, renegade relationship that is going nowhere, it might be time to get some better boundaries, and quick. So, here are a few clarifying points about boundaries:
1. Setting a boundary is not making a threat
Setting a boundary is not making a threat – it is communicating clearly what the consequences will be if the other person continues to treat you in an unacceptable manner. It is a consequence of the other person disrespecting your wishes. Setting a boundary shows that you respect yourself. Which is a critical piece of communication in the first 3 months of dating. Non agressive, firm and straight forward communication of your values. You existed before he came along and you will after…
2. Setting a boundary is not an attempt to control
Setting a boundary is not an attempt to control the other person – although some of the people who you set boundaries with will certainly accuse you of that – just as some will interpret it as a threat. Most people dont like boundaries because it stops them from taking advantage of you or the situation. Setting a boundary is part of the process to define what is acceptable to you. It is a major step in taking control of how you allow others to treat you. It is a vital responsibility to yourself and your life.
With those boundary basics said, here are 3 basic boundaries I think every single woman should have…
1. Treat Your Sexuality Like a Queen. What would your sex life look like if you were a Queen? Queens are precious to their community – they rule with authority, control, and class. They govern their affairs wisely. They practice self control. They know they are beautiful and worth the wait. They don’t put up with lawbreakers, jackasses, and men who want to shirk their responsibility within their community.
Call me old-fashioned, but I think women need to build better boundaries in this area. Sex has become far too casual these days. Some men use marriage potential as a bait for sex and women fall for that most times for various reasons. Then they get hurt. Women actually have the power to inspire men to grow up and gain some self-control. But they’re not doing so. And THEY NEED IT. Don’t be railroaded to compromising your sexuality.
2. Don’t Stay in the Gray Zone Forever. You deserve to be dated but If you’ve been hanging out in the “dating zone” far too long, make him “crap or get off the pot.” Enough stringing you along. Enough being “friends with benefits.” That’s just messing with your heart. And your heart needs to be guarded above all else. It’s your source of life. Start changing things up, by putting up a time boundary and see how he responds. There is a way of putting up time boundaries without sounding desperate. It hurts me when am counselling with some young ladies and find their hurt is based on putting up with crass behaviour and ‘hoping’ he would propose; instead they get ‘dumped’ as ‘used goods”! Terrible situation. There are some good resource books to help you get started: – “Boundaries in Dating” by Cloud and Townsend and “Setting Boundaries for Women” by Allison Bottke. (Or get in touch for our relational coaching sessions)
3. Use Your Honey to Attract Bees, Not Flies. The law of attraction states: crazy attracts crazy. What are you “putting out” there and communicating to the world at large? Sure we should celebrate women’s beauty. But let’s redefine public beauty. It’s not boobs and ass. It’s character, face, story, and passions. Listen, a woman’s worth is not found in her outward appearance, but in her heart.
Do your actions, words, and appearance reflect that truth? How do you dress around men? How do you act around men? What kind of words do you say around men? Do you involve yourself in supposedly ‘dirty humour’ with men and probably give a wrong impression of your worth?
Use your God given honey to attract someone who would deserve you, not some fly who wants something for nothing.
What boundaries have you setup? How have they worked for you? Let me know…..
And if you find you need some assistance, we have a special relationship package of 3 sessions, and first one is free. Get in touch on +234 803395 1460 for more information.
Laila St. Matthew-Daniel
Originally ritten by Dale Partridge and re- edited